A Recipe for: Old-Fashioned Fudge

Old-Fashioned Fudge Ingredients

1 group of conflicted Universities
5 years of Tory government
0,000’s of students, steeped for a number of years in a mixture of high expectations and lower accepted standards
000’s of academic staff, schooled, reluctantly, in jumping through hoops of regulation
1 pinch of fear
1 lack of understanding

ADD media hype to taste.

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES add any MONEY.

Old-Fashioned Fudge Directions

• In a mid-sized economy with a relatively low heat, immerse the University in a cauldron of politics.
• Add in the inflated expectations of tens of thousands of students.
• Stir continuously until mixture simmers.  (You will know when the mixture is done when a small fall in NSS satisfaction scores to 90% is seen as a failure).
• In a separate vessel gently warm the academics, a chosen few at a time, stirring regularly until they are totally confused (using the Johnson Scale of Bemusement). If you don't have a Johnson Scale, you will know your mixture is done when a handful of the mixture forms a soft lump when dropped into the cold water of a pay freeze.
• Remove from heat as soon as mixture has reached desired temperature and degree of flaccidity.
• Add in the pinch of fear that TEF could be worse, but do not stir.
• Allow mixture to cool until Universities have a uniform appearance.
• Pour the mixture into the public domain by way of League Tables and “quality” scores then beat it with a wooden spoon – just because you can.
• Allow mixture to stand until cool and hard.
• Turn fudge out of the vessel and into the dustbin.