Helpful translations for new HE staff

As we start a new year and new teaching term there will inevitably be a number of colleagues new to academe that require guidance on some of the arcane and less arcane terminology that academics use to mystify the "outside world" and to confirm (in their own minds at least) how complex and difficult a job they do.
The basic challenge for many academics is to appear to pay full attention to teaching, innovate in pedagogy, entertain and provide high student satisfaction whilst at the same time maximising the opportunities for reward and promotion through research.  Despite the protestations of many "Research led" and "Research Informed" Universities the key factors affecting Teaching and Research are almost totally dichotomised.
So, here are some helpful definitions and explanations: